As hard as it was to do, Lola is gone.
You could not have asked for a more beautiful day in Oklahoma. No humidity to speak of and blue sunny skies with white puffy clouds. I started the day not wanting to get out of bed. I knew what was going to happen and I didnt want to face it. I still didnt know that I was doing the right thing..I just wanted to stay in bed and pretend all was going to be ok. I had already scheduled the day off from work because I knew that I would not be able to function on June 4th 2009. So I just stayed there for quite some time.
I finally got up and got ready and went to pick up Angela and the kids and we went to the movies. We saw UP. It was a great movie! The kids loved it!
I went home at about 4 pm and got the dog food ready to take to the barn for Ben and Delilah. I put Ben in his stall with his food and locked him in. I knew he would not be easy to deal with when he saw Lola leaving the barn. The goats have to be within his sight at all times. That need is just bred in him.
I had everything planned out. I walked Lola slowly but surely across the yard to the other side near where Mickey had dug the grave. She had peanut butter cookies and tree leaves. To Lola, this was perfect! It was 4:45. Then it was 5:00. Then it was 5:15....This wasnt good. All kinds of thoughts running through my head..Did something happen that they werent going to be able to make it today? I just knew if that were the case, I couldnt do this again. NO WAY..I would cancel and we would just forget about it. She could live like this...It surely doesnt hurt that much..Does it? Of course it does..This has to happen today...More crying..crying...crying...
Then my cell phone rings at 5:30. It is the vet saying she was running behind and to verify directions and she would be there in 20 mins or so. At this point Lola had already had enough of treats and wanted to be back in the barn. There wasnt much I could do to stop her and I wasnt about to fight with her about it. She headed that way, inch by inch. Finally we made it to the side of the barn along the fence where Marissa was standing. They touched noses and ate grass together. At 6:00 the vet arrives.
Long and short of it, the process went about as peaceful as you could hope your own death to be. The first shot consisted of something to calm and soothe her. A giant valium I suppose, I dont know. I do know that within 10 mins lola was laying down calmly with her head in my lap just being still. Then the 2nd shot which slows down all the organs was given. This shot took another 10 mins and she slipped away. Even after death her crooked legs could not be straightened out. The vet said it had been 4 years since she was last out to the house to look at Lola and she was surprised that Lola had lived this long. She had been living with this crippling disease far too long. I know that.
So...Goodbye for now Lola..I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I will love you until I see you again..I hope you understand that you are gone today because I love you. Im so sorry...See you later, ok?