Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dealing with grief

Its been almost three months now since my Grandmother passed away.   I cannot really put into words just how hard this has been for me. 

I have heard many people say that she lived a very long life.  She would have been 92 years old on 11-11-11. 
Really, that doesn't help.  It was not long enough.  I wanted her to be with me always.  I know she wanted the same, to be with me.  There is not a single day that goes by that I do not cry and wish I could talk to her again.  Not one.  Everyone says it will get better.  I suppose it will. 
I'm just not there yet.  I miss her ...I miss her a lot.  And even tho I KNOW its a part of life, that fact  has not made any of this any easier. 
Some have suggested to think about the happy times.  Here is a photo from one of those "best days ever"...
That is my grandmothers sister on the left.  My great aunt Stella.  One day we took off and had an adventure.  We drove to the Poconos and visited the Asa packer mansion.

We also went to a restaurant on top of one of the mountains in the Poconos for lunch. 

Before that we had stopped at this place along the way that had an enormous train track set up inside a building.  It had little towns and people and trees and the lights dimmed at dusk and then all the little lights came on in the towns and then the sun started coming up and the lights one by one shut off as day came and the train was going thru all the towns all the while.  There were all kinds of different set ups along the way.  Churches, schools, rivers and streams.  A factory and a farm.  Many homes and an Inn.   It was awesome.. I cant remember the name of the place at all.  It was one of the neatest things I ever saw.  It was in a huge warehouse and you walked all around this and looked down upon the scene. 
We did all that in one day.  One glorious perfect best day ever.  And that gets me thru.  There are more.  I just have to keep them close to my heart and pull them out one by one when needed.  Which is often. 

Im going on.  Day by day.  Im trying my best to be all *grown up* about all this and doing all the *right* things by putting on a happy face and going about daily life, but inside Im still a big ol mess.  Im still just a little kid that misses her Grandma. 


  1. Girl, I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain. But there is not. My Dad passed away in 2006 and I still miss him desperately. There are times when something reminds me of him and it brings tears and more often than not the memories bring a smile. I prefer the smiles, but sometimes I have no control. It will get better in time, but how much time is different for each individual. Remember her with love and let the tears fall freely when you can.

  2. Oh, Melinda! I've just been so busy that I missed this blog post. I wish I could reach through this screen and give you a huge hug right now. There is one thing I can do for you though and that's pray. I'll pray that God's peace surrounds you and that you'll feel His love. Blessings to you, my blog friend.